The Day the Squirrels Attacked
Looks peaceful doesn't it? Don't let it fool you. Lurking in that lush greenery and peaceful setting is an evil creature known as Sciurus carolinensis aka Gray Squirrel.
Don't let that face fool you. Behind it's large eyes and twitchy nose lies a cunning brain. The creature's brain spins constantly in its tiny skull devising new techniques to over power and terrorize. You may wonder how I know. Let me relay a story that happened approximately 35 years ago in this very wood.
I was a young, naive co-ed who thought the little devils were cute, cuddly critters that would never harm a living soul. I found out differently one day on a stroll through our peaceful wood.
I was coming back from having lunch somewhere and I was carrying leftovers. It was a beautiful spring day and I had an extra spring in my step. Final exams were around the corner and I was looking forward to the end of the semester. On this fateful day, unbeknownst to me, a mob had gathered in secret. Those twitchy noses and spinning brains had sniffed me out and were planning their attack.
I saw Carl first. He was the leader of the pack because he was the bravest and the brawniest. As he headed towards me (my back was turned at first), his groupies gathered in behind him. At first I only saw a handful but as the seconds passed, more and more gathered and soon there were at least 3 dozen! I wasn't sure what they planned to do but it soon became clear what they intended. I turned around to see the mob gathered behind Carl and was a little apprehensive. I had never seen squirrels gathered in such a mob-like fashion. My first mistake was turning around, my second was stopping. Carl took his advantage and ran up my pants leg and stopped when we were nose to nose and screamed "Scritchy, screechy, scrotch!" Which in squirrelese means, "Drop the goods and nobody gets hurt."
My third mistake was not dropping the goods. I stood my ground. I refused to give in to the thugs. I was bigger and smarter, thought I. Ah, the arrogance of youth. Soon the other bandits came running up behind Carl and I knew I had lost. I gathered all my strength and courage and shoved Carl off me while screaming profanities! Then I ran like I never ran before!
I made it back to my apartment with the goodies intact and out of breath. While I tried to regale my roommates with my harrying story, they laughed. I was mugged by a bunch of thieving bandits and they laugh at me. I didn't share the goodies with them.
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IMO The only difference between rats and squirrels is one is cuter. They're both still disease carrying, bug infested vermin.
You think that squirrels are scary? I used to live in a town with wild turkeys.. Those birds are mad crazy and will attack you with the intent to inflict pain. I had to run a half mile one time, down the main road of my town to get away alive. Check out this footage:
That's kind of what my dangerous horde looked like
I think that they invaded from Missouri...Damn carpetbaggers.
That was laugh out loud funny, especially the first responders.
A few years ago a couple of turkeys had taken up residence outside the main gate. They would wander around a couple of hundred square feet but they were always there. One day they started harassing one of the guards. After that, they were gone
LMAO!
They are tougher after cooking than they are in life.
You have to marinate wild bird....and make sure you get all the bird shot out of them
Once and a while Wild Turkeys fly in, land walk across the rooftops. We laugh a bunch. But, when anything, I mean anything, messes with the elderly and kids with me—Oh, Its On!
"Little girl, don't touch that squirrels nuts!" (Willie Wonka/Charlie And The Chocolate Factory)
The Town of Warrenton in No Virginia where I lived for 4 years had a very large squirrel population, and residents were happy to accept and indulge them. Just about every feed store and pet shop around had various types of squirrel food; a wide assortment of nuts, corn on the cob, peanuts, sunflower seeds, and feeders, all geared to please and delight the squirrels. And I was no different.
I had my own family of them in my front and back yards. They are very territorial, and they had divided up the areas of the front and back yards that they claimed as their own territory. The ones in the front yard were not allowed in the backyard and vise versa. It took me a bit at first to figure out what was what in the squirrel world I had suddenly adopted when I moved into the house. But, they were very good teachers and it did not take me long to get the drift of who belonged where.
Of course, they all had names, which they cared less about, but, it helped me keep them related to their individual territories. Cheeky Butt was the owner of the large tree area in the front yard. Sassy Tail was owner of the second large tree area in the far side of the front yard. Chatter Box was the owner of the tree closest to the house in the back yard, and Grumpy was the owner of the tree in the far side of the backyard. I one thought that all squirrels looked alike, but, found that they do have their own distinct markings and personalities, thus the names I gave them.
They all lacked patience when it game to feeding time, and they even tired to rob my Humming Bird feeders if I was a bit late. But, I did find the ones in the backyard helpful when it came to groundhogs and other varmints attacking my vegetable garden, as the squirrels would throw things at anything that came into their territory and even chase after them. So I didn't feel bad about feeding them as they did earn their keep.
Funny thing was....I really did miss the little rascals after I moved back to So Calif.
used to pass through Warrenton on trips before I retired, nice town. Squirrels are all over Virginia. When I was in charge of maintenance for a school they regularly got fried in the transformers and knocked power out.
I was having my car serviced one day, and my mechanic was giving an estimate to somebody else to replace a truck wiring harness that squirrels had devoured. It wasn't pretty.
They told me that when the plastic that covers the wires is made, it's poured in molds that are lubricated with peanut oil. Squirrels smell wires, and think they've hit the food jackpot.
My dad had a van once that stopped running well. So he takes it to the shop and when he gets the call from the mechanic, the mechanic can barely stop laughing long enough to tell Dad what the problem was.
Seems the tail pipe had been stuffed with peanuts from the bag my dad had in the garage. Apparently the chipmunks hunkered down there in the winter and decided the tail pipe was a good place to store their misbegotten booty.
When I got home one day, a walnut rolled out of the undercarriage of my car. There are no walnut trees near my house. The squirrels at my office had been hiding walnuts in my car for later. They're the same little bastards who ate most of my flower bulbs, so I guess it's only fair that I brought their dinner home with me.
Now that I read that again, your dad was kinda lucky the fumes didn't get to him 
I know, right?
It's still a funny story
Seems the tail pipe had been stuffed with peanuts from the bag my dad had in the garage. Apparently the chipmunks hunkered down there in the winter and decided the tail pipe was a good place to store their misbegotten booty.
I don't care who you are, that's some funny chit.
From Beverly Hills Cop 1984
Eddie Murphy: "We ain't fall'in for no banana in our tailpipe!"
Although I've been through both country and city in China for the more than 11 years I've been here, I've not seen ONE squirrel. Mind you, I'm aware that the Chinese eat pretty well anything they can chew.
Although I've been through both country and city in China for the more than 11 years I've been here, I've not seen ONE squirrel. Mind you, I'm aware that the Chinese eat pretty well anything they can chew.
I bet you don't see any or many dogs or cats either, do you?
In the middle class area I'm living in now, there are MANY pet-owners - lots of established breeds. There was even a big dog show one day. As well, I've seen a number of uncollared cats out alone. Where I used to live farther north stray animals were VERY timid - seemed afraid of people.
I used to have a LOT of those little bastards in the woods around my house, now, there are none. But then there are no rabbits, chipmunks or moles either. The solution? Cats. My cats will destroy anything their size or smaller. There is almost no wildlife smaller than a cat within a 1000 feet of my house.
Mine is my dog. I never had a problem with squirrels, but mice and moles. I have a cat, and he would catch the occasional mouse (and leave it for me to find, blech), but the moles just went underground, and he'd give up on them. Then I got a dachshund mix who's a little killer. He hears everything, and smells everything, and will stalk the same mole for hours. He's stolen a mouse that the cat was toying with, much to the cat's disgust, because it was dead in about 2 seconds.
I have a cat, and he would catch the occasional mouse (and leave it for me to find, blech)
Yep, they want you to know they did good. I usually find the tails of the creatures that have, (with the cats help), peeled off their mortal coil. Once, one of my cats brought a semi-deceased mouse into the house and let it go....not good. We have a lot of rabbits up here in the spring, LOTS of wild rabbits. Two years ago my oldest cat caught one so big he had to drag it back to the house. *sigh* I am waiting for the day I see a deer running through the yard with one of my cats attached to it's neck. Dogs can track something for hours, like you said. My cats aren't that focused but I can say that I am only person on my road with no moles at all.
My neighbor asked to borrow my dog to get rid of moles in her yard. But she might not be gaining much, since he digs their holes much bigger to get at them.
I once had a neighbor who had the absolute meanest cat in the world. She actually would run into a herd of deer eating birdseed that had fallen from a feeder. She'd go after the raccoons who ate there, too, and I don't know how she didn't get killed by one of them, other than that she was too mean to die.
My tree frog population is returning since the death of George, my killer cat. He used to catch moles and play with them until they died. Sometimes he bring a dead one into the house, drop it, and then meow at us to do something because his toy wouldn't move anymore.
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Don't trust them
'Carl took his advantage and ran up my pants leg and stopped when we were nose to nose and screamed "Scritchy, screechy, scrotch!" Which in squirrelese means, "Drop the goods and nobody gets hurt."
My favorite part!
Thanks for sharing.
thank-you!
i wouldn't have shared the goodies with them either !! how rude
At the lake house we have issues with red squirrels, destructive little bastards that they are. My dad used to try trapping them and then transporting them far away. Marked one and dropped him 10 miles away-he was back the next day.....
I have one squirrel in my Maple tree in my front yard and he has no hair on his tail. He's the weirdest looking lil squirrel.
I went to a town in Arkansas one day to do some work. It's full of pecan trees and huge, red squirrels. They were bigger than house cats.
Squirrels are just rats with better PR. I have made 3 wild squirrels into semi-pets. Red squirrels are the easiest to tame, followed by greys.
I've always thought that squirrels always had better dress makers than rats.
I trash talk them, but they are fun to watch.
I miss the grey female that I had last year. She would let me pet her and eat seeds and peanuts from my hand.
I had a plastic bowl in a tree that I would fill with unsalted peanuts or sunflower seeds in the morning so she could eat in safety from the local stray cats.
They can throw those nuts really well too. The college my daughter went to has a parking lot with Oak trees all over. Nice and shady during the summer but don't park there if your car has a good paint job. I actually saw one of the squirrels throw an acorn out from a 40 toot Oak tree and make a clean hit on a car well away from the tree. You can always tell when someone around here went to that school. The tops of their cars are all dented like crazy.
epistte,
Try peanut butter. They go absolutely crazy over the stuff. I've even got them to take it from a plastic spoon that I was holding. Not off my finger, though. I don't deliberately put my hand quite that close to the teeth of a wild animal, no matter how friendly they may be.
Indeed. Never